Psalms

Because I'm crap at life, I'm about five million chapters behind my MP3 girls in our Bible reading. But! As usual, God's pretty spot on with what he's doing. I was reading Psalm 26 today, and I was completely blown away by the courage and strength of character there was in the verse. Lately I'd been getting really frustrated at the gutlessness of Christianity - how we go to church, fill in our routine, smile a bit, be good, be nice, go to Maccas tick tick tick. Routine does not require courage. But the first verse of the chapter blew me away, because all it had was courage;

v1 Vindicate me O Lord, for I have led a blameless life I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Test me O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and mind; for your love is ever before me, and i walk continuously in your truth.

Test me O Lord? I barely have the courage to think those words. When I try to imagine God testing me just because, I get scared. To challenge him to do so? To invite testing? It is beyond my comprehension. I prefer to hide behind my moralizing and complaining, my belief that I am superior and my ideas are superior - what is an omnipresent God to that anyway. My character will never be strong enough to desire a testing that I have personally invited. To think of what Job went through without asking - to ask that into my life is impossible. Impossible because I know my faith and my ability to surrender my all to God is practically nonexistent, let alone being cool with whatever he threw my way simply because I know that above all, He is still God.

When I got onto Psalm 27 that idea really stood out - the fact that you can be fine with whatever, whatever tests and challenges come your way, because all your focus should be on is this (v.4) 'One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple'. And you don't achieve that by being happy with material things, or feeling like you have lots of friends - you achieve it by focussing everything on God, regardless of what else is happening.

And to leave you with my new all time favourite verse, which managed to pierce my heart; Ps 27:14 - 'Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.'

Sorry this is so rambling - I just had so much to say I can't be bothered being coherent about it!