Today, I became a true dole bludger. I'm receiving the $950 bonus (yes that stimulus package payment). Now. In October. Nine months after it was actually announced.
I think this is absolutely ridiculous. Do I need $950? No. (Not to say I don't want it.) Am I going to spend that $950 and 'stimulate' the economy? No. It is going straight into my savings. The only effect it will have is in the US or Indonesia. No love for the Australian economy.
Also today, I saw a spray tan salon, whose motto was 'safe and natural.' Um....spray tan? Natural? Whatever.
Also also today, I saw on the bus on a big bulky guy in one of those fluoro yellow shirts who looked so manly he might just explode with testosterone. He was enormous. Then I noticed he was reading a book on Michael Jackson. Weird. Then I noticed he had a Weight watchers meal in his bag. Weird. Then I noticed he carried his bag like a handbag. Extra weird. I wonder what it's like being him.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
self-obsession
I read a lot of the pretty, crafty blogs out there because they make me happy. There's lots of beautifully taken photos, creative and simple ideas, and really refreshing and calming posts about various, simple things in life.
Sometimes I'm sad my life isn't like that. I don't just sit around all day with my sole purpose to go to the post office and then make something for my mum/best friend/other. I can't sleep in and then just enjoy an unplanned and quiet day. Every second of my day is usually scheduled or at least partially scheduled a week or so in advance. I have classes to go to, study to do, essays to write/procrastinate about, work, tutoring, Salt, dance, socializing, family time, coffee to drink, the gym and sorting out the ridiculous dramas that seem to currently define me. Some of the time, I really resent it all. I want to be able to not set an alarm every morning so I can hurry through every second of the day to get stuff done and then not really appreciate the day for what it was. Or, choose not to do everything I need to do but have that nagging feeling of guilt whirling around my head. I'd love to be able to give more of myself to help people, and see people, and love people.
At the same time, I love productiveness. I think I was programmed with ambition and (occasionally present) motivation to be organized and get stuff done. I like to jam pack my day with a thousand different things, and I like opening my diary and seeing it all written in full the things I have to do, and the ticks or lines through the things I've already done. I like to feel accomplished and like I've succeeded with my time. But I suppose sometimes it's really important to slow down.
I'm really good at beating myself up about things. In particular, caring about other people; I never feel like I do it enough. I can never give all of myself to making sure everyone else is okay. At the moment, my brain is so self-absorbed with all this crap I can barely look at other people sometimes. And that is a really unhealthy and unsatisfying way to be.
And so, I have set myself a goal. After exams (because uni really does have priority), I will slow down a bit. These may just be empty words, because I make myself busy even if I'm not. But when you are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, everything-ly exhausted, it might be the best time to force it. I will stop drinking five coffees a day and embrace the other fun parts of life. It will be summer, and there's the beach and billions of people who need loving everywhere.
Sometimes I'm sad my life isn't like that. I don't just sit around all day with my sole purpose to go to the post office and then make something for my mum/best friend/other. I can't sleep in and then just enjoy an unplanned and quiet day. Every second of my day is usually scheduled or at least partially scheduled a week or so in advance. I have classes to go to, study to do, essays to write/procrastinate about, work, tutoring, Salt, dance, socializing, family time, coffee to drink, the gym and sorting out the ridiculous dramas that seem to currently define me. Some of the time, I really resent it all. I want to be able to not set an alarm every morning so I can hurry through every second of the day to get stuff done and then not really appreciate the day for what it was. Or, choose not to do everything I need to do but have that nagging feeling of guilt whirling around my head. I'd love to be able to give more of myself to help people, and see people, and love people.
At the same time, I love productiveness. I think I was programmed with ambition and (occasionally present) motivation to be organized and get stuff done. I like to jam pack my day with a thousand different things, and I like opening my diary and seeing it all written in full the things I have to do, and the ticks or lines through the things I've already done. I like to feel accomplished and like I've succeeded with my time. But I suppose sometimes it's really important to slow down.
I'm really good at beating myself up about things. In particular, caring about other people; I never feel like I do it enough. I can never give all of myself to making sure everyone else is okay. At the moment, my brain is so self-absorbed with all this crap I can barely look at other people sometimes. And that is a really unhealthy and unsatisfying way to be.
And so, I have set myself a goal. After exams (because uni really does have priority), I will slow down a bit. These may just be empty words, because I make myself busy even if I'm not. But when you are mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, everything-ly exhausted, it might be the best time to force it. I will stop drinking five coffees a day and embrace the other fun parts of life. It will be summer, and there's the beach and billions of people who need loving everywhere.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
The Bus
In theory, if you get a seat on the 78, it's meant to be a sign of a good day. Or at least a productive one. But it is 8:02am and I'm already procrastinating.
I am amused by the pattern my lipstick makes on my coffee cup.
I am amused by the pattern my lipstick makes on my coffee cup.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Sunshine
I really am a drama queen. Ah well, sometimes it's warranted. Or even healthy. Maybe not healthy. I don't know.
So not very long before exams, so so so much to do. And all I really want to do is laze on the beach.
So not very long before exams, so so so much to do. And all I really want to do is laze on the beach.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
cannot be
There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another
The Fray//All At Once
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another
The Fray//All At Once
Cryptic lives
And crash, the wall is back.
Friends, am I making sense? Or should you slap me around the face?
Friends, am I making sense? Or should you slap me around the face?
Friday, October 02, 2009
but being shallow is good for you.
Ah the sun! It makes me feel like that picture. amazingly.
I love you, hope.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
although I am still shallow
My new favourite video! Why? It has (in no particular order):
* Fat people
* Dancing
* Horrible horrible outfits
* Awkward moments
* Lack of shame
* Crap dance music
* People falling over
What more could you want??
of something new and great
Oh being busy how I love you.
I've realized that replacing memories is a fun, important and special process. Although sometimes very hard.
Seeing the sun is so lovely!
I've realized that replacing memories is a fun, important and special process. Although sometimes very hard.
Seeing the sun is so lovely!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
which I find to be quite enjoyable
Very little sleep and three coffees before 8am make for an unwell Emily.
Streams of consciousness make me more tired.
There isn't even a stream to my consciousness, more like a trickle.
Streams of consciousness make me more tired.
There isn't even a stream to my consciousness, more like a trickle.
my post titles have become a story
My blog has also become my semi-more privatized facebook status updater. I don't care
What is a real friend anyway?
Are you worse or better for wanting to forgive what really is the unforgiveable?
I'm not sure
What is a real friend anyway?
Are you worse or better for wanting to forgive what really is the unforgiveable?
I'm not sure
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Well now
What would my life be without coffee and a comfy bed?
Nothing, I declare!
Oh confusion, how I hate you.
Nothing, I declare!
Oh confusion, how I hate you.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Replaced with a broken heart
Today I learnt a new word. Pillock.
It's a word that is easy on the tongue. Try it out.
It's a word that is easy on the tongue. Try it out.
Rage.
I really just need a big public declaration of how rage-ful and mad I feel right now.
There has never been so much anger inside of me in my entire life. In fact, I'm actually shaking from it.
On the plus side, I bought new shoes today, although I broke my favourite pair last night, so really, it's all a bit bleak at the moment. Although, these new ones are gold and jelly rubber stuff.
There has never been so much anger inside of me in my entire life. In fact, I'm actually shaking from it.
On the plus side, I bought new shoes today, although I broke my favourite pair last night, so really, it's all a bit bleak at the moment. Although, these new ones are gold and jelly rubber stuff.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
That lame facebook thing
42 Q's about 21 Ppl...Share
Yesterday at 1:30pm
Go through your wall posts and list the last 21 people to post on your wall or comment on your status or like your status. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Then answer the 42 questions pertaining to the 21 names. When you're finished, tag all 21 people on the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note and follow the directions above.
1. Bec Bilson
2. Ferg Inglis
3. Jordan Holt
4. Elizabeth Shanhun
5. Adam Cross
6. Heather Inglis
7. Ali Inglis
8. Dan Ruhs
9. Emily Adamek
10. Ashlee Uren
11. Jeremy Rich
12. Stefan Tomasich
13. Steve Kelly
14. Lauren Busteed
15. Hannah Jury
16. Terri Seeber
17. Amy Gageler
18. Kat Bowden
19. Jessica Landgren
20. Jennifer Cousemacker
21. Lindsay Scott
1. How did you meet 1?
Mounties times :)
2. What would you do if you never met 15?
You know, I don't actually know Hannah all that well, however facebook quizzes have informed me she is my partying friend. So I suppose, I wouldn't enjoy as much as a party as we will one day have!
3. Would you date 20?
Wrong team, but Jenny is good fun. We went to salsa together!
4. Have you ever seen 8 cry?
I can definitely say not.
5. Would 3 and 13 make a good couple of dancers?
LOL at the idea of Jordan and Steve dancing together. My brain exploded.
6. Describe 9!
My oldest friend! We met when we were basically born.
7. Do you like 16?
Hahaha for sure, she keeps me sane in early morning ADR.
8. Do you think 6 is attractive?
I feel weird commenting on this!!! Heather you are a lovely lady!
9. When was the last time you talked to 8?
When I was 13 and we visited the Ruhs' in America!
10. Would you ever date 10?
Why are all these questions about dating? Ashlee is a good looking lady, but just not quite my type!
11. Where does 15 live?
I believe in the suburb of cool people, that being Winthrop.
12. What is the best thing about 21?
What isn't?? She is a fab fab friend, I don't know what I'd do without her, and she always looks amazing.
13. What would you like to tell 18 right now?
I'm still perplexed about your messages, and CONGRATS YOU ARE AN (ALMOST) HOMEOWNER!!!!!!! I think you're awesome.
14. What is the best thing about 7?
She's basically me in another body, so that therefore makes her great.
15. Have you ever kissed 4?
Hahahhaa no =P
16. What's the best memory you have of 3?
Ooooo, it's a close one between SYTYCD tour and Burn The Floor!!!
17. When's the next time you're going to see 12?
Around uni I would think. We are cool and hang out in the courtyard.
18. Is 11 pretty?
Hahaha, Jeremy is a very pretty man.
19. What was your first impression of 4?
I could not even remember! It would've been so long ago!
20. Is 13 your best friend?
Only when he isn't selling himself out to run for the Guild =P
Just kidding Stevo :)
21. Have you seen 16 in the last month?
Yeah, we chill at the lawbry like all the cool kids do.
22. When was the last time you saw 14?
Last night at the Windsor!!
23. Have you been to 21's house?
Hahaha it was my other home when we were little :)
24. When is the next time you'll see 10
When we trade contracts classes in Moot Court.
25. Are you really close to 1?
Haha sure we're dancing friends!
26. Would you give 9 a hug?
Of course :)
27. Have you ever been to 18's house?
I have, but not to her soon-to-be K-town house!!
28. Do you know a secret about 5?
Plenty. Or not.
29. Describe the relationship between 14 and 19?
I would be shocked if they knew each other!
30. What's your friendship like with 7?
We pretty much hate each other. She uses me for my GHD and red lipstick. =D
31. Have you ever danced with 17?
Can't say I have, seeing as she lives in NSW.
32. How do you know 21?
Friends since year one :) We were so cute and small.
33. Does 2 have a bf?
I should hope not Fergus!
34. Have you ever wanted to punch 4 in the face?
Violent much??
35. Has 11 met your mother?
Ohhh no.
36. Have you travelled anywhere with 12?
Nope! He's too cool for me.
37. If you gave 7 $100, what would they spend it on?
A GHD/A dress/Ben Folds
38. What's your best memory of 2?
Lots of the hilarious things he says! We had a great time at that salty weekend.
39. What is the one thing you most want 19 to know?
I will come to dance soon!!! I promise!!!
40. What was the last thing you did with 6?
Crashed her house and ate her delicious food :)
41. When did you meet 20?
She came to visit Steve and come to the 21st - we had a great couple of times out while she was here!!
42. What do you wish for number 8?
I could visit him soon!
Yesterday at 1:30pm
Go through your wall posts and list the last 21 people to post on your wall or comment on your status or like your status. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Then answer the 42 questions pertaining to the 21 names. When you're finished, tag all 21 people on the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note and follow the directions above.
1. Bec Bilson
2. Ferg Inglis
3. Jordan Holt
4. Elizabeth Shanhun
5. Adam Cross
6. Heather Inglis
7. Ali Inglis
8. Dan Ruhs
9. Emily Adamek
10. Ashlee Uren
11. Jeremy Rich
12. Stefan Tomasich
13. Steve Kelly
14. Lauren Busteed
15. Hannah Jury
16. Terri Seeber
17. Amy Gageler
18. Kat Bowden
19. Jessica Landgren
20. Jennifer Cousemacker
21. Lindsay Scott
1. How did you meet 1?
Mounties times :)
2. What would you do if you never met 15?
You know, I don't actually know Hannah all that well, however facebook quizzes have informed me she is my partying friend. So I suppose, I wouldn't enjoy as much as a party as we will one day have!
3. Would you date 20?
Wrong team, but Jenny is good fun. We went to salsa together!
4. Have you ever seen 8 cry?
I can definitely say not.
5. Would 3 and 13 make a good couple of dancers?
LOL at the idea of Jordan and Steve dancing together. My brain exploded.
6. Describe 9!
My oldest friend! We met when we were basically born.
7. Do you like 16?
Hahaha for sure, she keeps me sane in early morning ADR.
8. Do you think 6 is attractive?
I feel weird commenting on this!!! Heather you are a lovely lady!
9. When was the last time you talked to 8?
When I was 13 and we visited the Ruhs' in America!
10. Would you ever date 10?
Why are all these questions about dating? Ashlee is a good looking lady, but just not quite my type!
11. Where does 15 live?
I believe in the suburb of cool people, that being Winthrop.
12. What is the best thing about 21?
What isn't?? She is a fab fab friend, I don't know what I'd do without her, and she always looks amazing.
13. What would you like to tell 18 right now?
I'm still perplexed about your messages, and CONGRATS YOU ARE AN (ALMOST) HOMEOWNER!!!!!!! I think you're awesome.
14. What is the best thing about 7?
She's basically me in another body, so that therefore makes her great.
15. Have you ever kissed 4?
Hahahhaa no =P
16. What's the best memory you have of 3?
Ooooo, it's a close one between SYTYCD tour and Burn The Floor!!!
17. When's the next time you're going to see 12?
Around uni I would think. We are cool and hang out in the courtyard.
18. Is 11 pretty?
Hahaha, Jeremy is a very pretty man.
19. What was your first impression of 4?
I could not even remember! It would've been so long ago!
20. Is 13 your best friend?
Only when he isn't selling himself out to run for the Guild =P
Just kidding Stevo :)
21. Have you seen 16 in the last month?
Yeah, we chill at the lawbry like all the cool kids do.
22. When was the last time you saw 14?
Last night at the Windsor!!
23. Have you been to 21's house?
Hahaha it was my other home when we were little :)
24. When is the next time you'll see 10
When we trade contracts classes in Moot Court.
25. Are you really close to 1?
Haha sure we're dancing friends!
26. Would you give 9 a hug?
Of course :)
27. Have you ever been to 18's house?
I have, but not to her soon-to-be K-town house!!
28. Do you know a secret about 5?
Plenty. Or not.
29. Describe the relationship between 14 and 19?
I would be shocked if they knew each other!
30. What's your friendship like with 7?
We pretty much hate each other. She uses me for my GHD and red lipstick. =D
31. Have you ever danced with 17?
Can't say I have, seeing as she lives in NSW.
32. How do you know 21?
Friends since year one :) We were so cute and small.
33. Does 2 have a bf?
I should hope not Fergus!
34. Have you ever wanted to punch 4 in the face?
Violent much??
35. Has 11 met your mother?
Ohhh no.
36. Have you travelled anywhere with 12?
Nope! He's too cool for me.
37. If you gave 7 $100, what would they spend it on?
A GHD/A dress/Ben Folds
38. What's your best memory of 2?
Lots of the hilarious things he says! We had a great time at that salty weekend.
39. What is the one thing you most want 19 to know?
I will come to dance soon!!! I promise!!!
40. What was the last thing you did with 6?
Crashed her house and ate her delicious food :)
41. When did you meet 20?
She came to visit Steve and come to the 21st - we had a great couple of times out while she was here!!
42. What do you wish for number 8?
I could visit him soon!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Blarghhh
Oh my goodness I've actually gone crazy.
It's been a really really crazy week! But a really happy one. And almost productive!
However.
I've started pondering stuff; I'm quite confused about where I sit. In particular: church.
Sometimes I wonder why it is we meet. I know I find when I get to church, I don't notice any particular goal to love God more. In fact, sometimes it makes me feel guilty about who I am, and what I like. I like ambition, motivation and dedication. And I like having them in my life. I don't think God would make me up that way to have to put it aside and question every single thing I do. And I'm pretty sure God doesn't want me feel guilty every second of every day.
But that's kind of how I feel when I go to church. Like no matter what I do, I'm a fake, and I feel guilty for not loving other people more, for being impatient, for not wanting to work in the church, for not helping out more in ministries. But I know if I did those last two now, my heart wouldn't be in it. I'd be bitter because I'd feel like I was being forced into it.
I guess what I'm saying is I feel like the focus is lost when I get to church. Like we slip into this discourse where we're not conversing with God, we're throwing these statements out there like 'give us ears to hear' that don't even mean anything. But they count because they sound good. It's almost like speaking Christian-ese, and it feels so fake! If only we were more genuine; I don't think I could love God in a gentle way, and to be honest sometimes I think I prefer to know he exists, and love him, but not let myself feel guilty all the time for not doing more.
I don't think I'm really explaining myself; I guess I think if I'm feeling like I'm only a real Christian if I do leadership, or take part in ministries run by the church or whatever, then really, I'm selling myself out. God still made me, and he wouldn't have given me the desire to succeed and to learn more, and work hard and all of those things if He didn't want me to use it.
Anyway, this was a ramble. Tell me if you think I'm totally off-base. All these thoughts get caught in my head and I never know where to go with them!!
It's been a really really crazy week! But a really happy one. And almost productive!
However.
I've started pondering stuff; I'm quite confused about where I sit. In particular: church.
Sometimes I wonder why it is we meet. I know I find when I get to church, I don't notice any particular goal to love God more. In fact, sometimes it makes me feel guilty about who I am, and what I like. I like ambition, motivation and dedication. And I like having them in my life. I don't think God would make me up that way to have to put it aside and question every single thing I do. And I'm pretty sure God doesn't want me feel guilty every second of every day.
But that's kind of how I feel when I go to church. Like no matter what I do, I'm a fake, and I feel guilty for not loving other people more, for being impatient, for not wanting to work in the church, for not helping out more in ministries. But I know if I did those last two now, my heart wouldn't be in it. I'd be bitter because I'd feel like I was being forced into it.
I guess what I'm saying is I feel like the focus is lost when I get to church. Like we slip into this discourse where we're not conversing with God, we're throwing these statements out there like 'give us ears to hear' that don't even mean anything. But they count because they sound good. It's almost like speaking Christian-ese, and it feels so fake! If only we were more genuine; I don't think I could love God in a gentle way, and to be honest sometimes I think I prefer to know he exists, and love him, but not let myself feel guilty all the time for not doing more.
I don't think I'm really explaining myself; I guess I think if I'm feeling like I'm only a real Christian if I do leadership, or take part in ministries run by the church or whatever, then really, I'm selling myself out. God still made me, and he wouldn't have given me the desire to succeed and to learn more, and work hard and all of those things if He didn't want me to use it.
Anyway, this was a ramble. Tell me if you think I'm totally off-base. All these thoughts get caught in my head and I never know where to go with them!!
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