Emily Contemplates

So I read a few other blogs, and I have to say, I'm quite jealous of their awesome writing style. And ability to take great pictures, and make their page look really awesome, and just generally be artistic and also, really honest. I usually come on here and write some pointless lists or something, which give me a cathartic feeling of a compartmentalized life (Emily's ultimate, although definitely not ideal way to be).

There's a lot of things I have been contemplating lately. Like why I don't study harder, why I let myself get distracted, why I'm here, right now, doing the stuff I do with the people around me and the rituals and routines I have. It's all quite interesting. In some ways it makes me sad, and in some ways it makes me happy.

There are a lot of things I neglect to do. I neglect God, first and foremost. I neglect my health and well being, I neglect my ability to study and be productive in the things that matter, and I neglect to tell the whole truth all the time.

There are a lot of things I do okay at. I'm a loyal friend (even if I'm constantly busy and can never do anything), I get okay marks at uni, I save an okay amount, I do an okay job at tutoring and my job.

But when it comes to the things I'm good at, I'm just not sure. I'm good at writing lists, I'm good at eating chocolate and I'm good at not doing what I'll say I'll do, because I'll get distracted, or I'll choose not to, or I'll forget, or a billion other excuses that aren't good enough.

Nevertheless, I've also determined a few other things. A) I want to get it right. B) I'm not so insecure that I'll start making choices and doing things that I don't want to. I may be a chronic people-pleaser, coupled with my (weird) lazy perfectionism, but my conscience and God help me to stay fairly true to myself and what I believe. C) I make mistakes, but I don't live with regret. Who has time enough for that.

So, to finish what wasn't meant to be a depressing post at all but has turned into one, on a happy note - life is pretty much one of the greatest things ever. I love the fact you can fill it with whatever you want: materialistic things like cheap clothes, shoes and jewelry; waste of time things like blogs, Facebook and MSN;productive things like study, learning, reading; fun things like movies, creating and going out; deep things like questioning, thinking and formulating answers; or nothing. And as much as I'm one of the most indecisive people I know, I don't live with regrets so if I just choose what I want to do and stop messing around, life will get done.
That is all.